Islamophobes Have Us All Figured Out?  Really?

By Deanna Othman

So all of this talk about Islamophobia lately has got me to thinking. What if they are right? Maybe these Islamophobes are a little smarter than they look.  Are Muslims getting just a little too cozy in America? Have Americans become, dare I say it, too Islamophilic? Have Muslims hatched a clandestine movement to gradually take over the country? Why even stop at this country, surely their plots extend beyond these borders.

I can see where it all began. First , good ol’ Dubya was booted out of office.  Muslims reacted pretty much like the munchkins in The Wizard of Oz when they discovered the Wicked Witch of the West was dead. Short of taking to the streets and belting out “Ding dong the witch is dead,” Muslims surely took the election of Barack HUSSEIN Obama as a green light to wreak havoc in the country. If they could manage to get a guy with the middle name Hussein into office, accomplishing the rest of the plan would be a piece of cake.

Let’s face it, Muslims have taken free reign from the television screen to the grocery aisle. We’re getting people fired left and right for daring to insult us. Everyone knows the media has a bias for Muslims. Despite the fact that we’re running around in our Muslim garb and knee-length beards, the media always paints us as fun-loving, warm and fuzzy do-gooders with a passion for justice—and fashion.

If that’s not Islamophilic, then I don’t know what is.

Our foods have taken over the strip malls and supermarkets. First it was falafel, hummous and shawerma in the streets of New York and Chicago. Now it’s halal soup and chicken legs infiltrating your local Jewel or Dominick’s. People criticized Muslims for their past in allegedly converting people with the sword. Now they’re worried about inadvertent conversion by drumsticks and noodles! (We’re nothing if not subtle with our methods.)

Well folks, take advantage. Public schools are giving us days off for our holidays, even teaching our kids Arabic. We have no problems getting around in airplanes anymore. I know plenty of Muslims who get right through security without even going through the metal detectors. The TSA employees wave them through with a smile and a, “What can I do for you today Mr. Muhammad? Sure, go ahead and take that non-regulation size bottle of hand sanitizer through! We certainly want your hands to be germ-free.”

This is just the beginning of our ascent to power. Soon stores will close during prayer time. Courts will be applying the sharia (we’re not talking about you, Oklahoma). The United States capital will be moved from Washington, D.C., to Bridgeview, IL, the legitimate epicenter of authority. Masjid executive boards will have more power than the Congress itself. Monthly fundraising nights will replace taxes as the primary source of revenue for the nation.

The possibilities are endless.