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Monday, June 28, 2010 Message from the Imam By CM @ 12:22 PM :: 772 Views :: A Message From the Imam   Click Here for Message of the Imam Archive  Preserving the Muslim Family I would like to address an important matter that constitutes the building block of our community. It is the family. We cannot ignore the alarming trend we have been witnessing lately among Muslim families: dysfunctional families, increasing marital disputes, increasing divorce rates, and more children are being raised by single parents. In fact, in 2009 we performed 150 marriages and 56 divorces at our Mosque, which indirectly shows that for every three marriages, one could end up in divorce. We do not want to reach the national rate of divorce, in which 43% of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years (according to a recently released report by The National Center for Health Statistics). Although we attend colleges and universities to master every field of study, there are no mandatory classes for basic life skills such as marital relations and parenting. Therefore, in order to protect and save our own families, we call upon you to educate yourselves and your spouses about this important life subject. Learn what the Islamic family values and responsibilities are as a husband, a wife, a parent, or a child. Our religion ordained detailed guidelines for this cornerstone of our lives, important keys in dealing with spouses and children for healthy family relations. 1.      Strengthen Your Relationship With Allah Together as a Family:       The more families are connected with Islam as a way of life, the less chances of marital disputes and divorce. So, if you strengthen your relationship with Allah (swt), connect your family to your local Mosque and Islamic Institutions, and learn and live Islamic values, your family will be protected, Insha’Allah.       Pray together, even western studies have shown that families who pray together stay together.       Make Douaa for your family, especially those Douaas in the Quran and Sunnah, and teach your children to make Douaa, too.   2.      Give Them Your Time:       Remember the best thing to give your spouse and children is your time. So, dedicate some time for each one of them on a daily basis, no matter how short that time may be.       Be certain to have fun together as a family.       Establish good family routines, such as having a daily meal together (while TV is off).       Create balance by dedicating time for every area of your life; work, family, and self. And remember that working 18 hours a day to secure a good life for your family will never work.   3.      Communicate Positively with Them:       Have an open positive channel of communication. Discuss with open-minded realization that we, as parents, have been raised in a different world than our children.       Avoid negative language and criticism, but rather appreciate and praise. Not only do young children need that, but also adults as well.       Respect them and look highly on them, and treat them the way you would like them to be, and they will attain that with encouragement and positive reinforcement.       Remember your own tongue can be responsible for establishing either a healthy or a dysfunctional family relationship, so whatever you want to say, use soft and affectionate language.       Praise your children for doing something good and tell them how you feel about what’s right, not only what’s wrong.   4.      Give Them What They Need:       Studies have shown that both husbands and wives look for security, tranquility, and affection in marriage, so give your spouse and children what they need.       Make your spouse and children each feel special, loved, appreciated, and respected.       Show your love and caring to each one of your children equally.       Express your affection towards your spouse often and in different ways as both husbands and wives need words of reassurance regardless of how long they have been married.   5.      Learn To Deal with Conflicts:       Learn to deal with conflict through listening patiently with your eyes, ears and heart to feel and understand the other person, and then communicate directly with honesty and openness.       Do not fight to win an argument, but fight to strengthen your marriage and family relations.       Never scream and over-react, and do not shy away from apologizing when needed.       Stay connected, if you feel angry or very upset just take a break, make wudu’ and delay your reaction until you feel calm.       Keep realistic expectations of marriage and do not expect a honeymoon for life, as marriage leads to responsibilities and challenges that trigger maturity and intellectual growth.   Sh. Jamal Said

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