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Message From the Imam: Our Youth and Gender Relations
Our youth is the main period of our ages, and for that our responsibility should be focused more on protecting it toward pleasing Allah (SW). Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said, “No servant’s feet shall move (while standing for trial) at the Day of Judgment until he is asked about how he spent his youth, what he devoted his life to, how he earned and spent his wealth, and what he used his knowledge for.” Hadith narrated by Imam Al Bazzar.
Among the many issues that relate to this period of age “youth,” I chose to focus on gender relations because of the needed guidance in this particular area. I visit many Colleges and Universities in the Chicago area, and many of the dedicated brothers and sisters are concerned about this sensitive issue in relation to Halal and Haram and how to educate people about it.
It is very important to understand that the Muslim is the person who is conscious of everything he/she engages in, whether it is words, actions or anything else, and that liability will be brought into account on the Day of Judgment. Allah said: {Hence, whether you disclose what is in your souls or you conceal it, God will call you to account for it.} 2:284.
Islam prohibited adultery (Zina) and anything that leads to it. The prohibition of things leading to adultery is based on the concept of “preventive measures” or the Islamic Arabic term is (Sadd Al Zaraea’.) Allah said: {and you shall not ever approach illicit sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is [utter] lewdness and a most evil way.} 17:32. In this verse you can see the term (approach) is used which means to keep away and don’t even come close! That is why scholars of Tafseer interpret it as one of the strongest terms in prohibition. Also, keep in mind that this verse came between the verse which prohibited the killing of your children in fear of poverty, and the verse which prohibited the killing of others; this indicates the type of sin adultery is! To end a life is a major act of sin and to bring a life in Zina is another major act of sin!
The areas Islam brought attention to, in relation to the “preventive measures” to protect the honor and dignity of people so it will not lead to adultery are many, but I want to focus on three areas related to gender relations especially among youth:
1. Lower your gaze. Allah said: {Say to the believing men, [O Prophet,] that they should lower their gaze [from women that are forbidden to them] and safeguard [the chastity of] their secret parts. That is more pure for them. And say to the believing women, [as well,] that they should lower their gaze [from men that are forbidden to them] and safeguard [the chastity of] their secret parts.} 24:30/31. Our eyes are responsible when they seek pleasure in Haram, and Allah knows our intentions! The prophet (PBUH) explained the role of the eyes in leading toward adultery by saying, “Allah has written on the son of Adam his share of zina and he shall encounter that inevitably. For the zina of the eye is looking, and the zina of the tongue is speaking, and the inner soul wishes and desires and the sexual part proves that or rejects it.” Hadith narrated by Albani.
2. Beware of being alone with the one of the opposite gender. People of different genders could be alone together in many innocent circumstances where an intimate feeling (of Haram) is not the case, such as riding in a cab, being in an elevator, or at work in a public setting, etc. But the real worry is about being alone with someone which could lead to or invite intimate thoughts or feelings. This not only applies in the physical sense of being alone with someone, but also being alone while texting, emailing, chatting, phoning etc. The prophet (PBUH) said, “Let no male be alone with a female for Satan is the third.” Hadith narrated by Albani.
3. Beware of the tone of voice that stimulates desire in Haram. Allah said: {If you remain God- fearing, do not be soft in [your] speech, such that one in whose heart there is a sickness should become desirous. Rather, speak a forthright word.} 33:32.
These safe measures to insure adultery will not be around the corner can never be held if someone does not wish to protect him/herself. My article is to advise those who want to be righteous but are in need for some guidance. As for those who have decided to live in Haram, I can only make dua that Allah guides their hearts into the truth.
I will leave the following advice for those who want to live in righteousness in relation to the opposite gender:
1. Study the Ayat and Hadiths that talk about adultery and its causes. You should understand that it is considered one of the major sins in Islam and that punishment shall be severe on the Day of Judgment if you do not repent.
2. Seek refuge in Allah through investing in acts of worship. Prayers, fasting, reading Quran, zikr and all kinds of good deeds keep you strong in your faith when you're faced with these challenges.
3. Never expose yourself to what leads to adultery and think you are in control! You are vulnerable and weak in front of your inner desires and the wave of whispers from Satan.
4. Protect yourself from the illicit sexual stimuli because it drags you into adultery. Can we mention here porn movies, magazines, gentlemen clubs etc?
5. Surround yourself with righteous friends who invite you to good deeds, not bad friends who invite you to fall into sins such as adultery.
6. Be a person of honor! Would you accept these sinful acts from your own family members?
7. Be responsible! Islam allows you to fulfill your needs in Halal through marriage, but are you ready for that? For those who seek pleasure in dead-end relationships, you need to fear Allah and wait until you are ready and capable to be the responsible husband and father.
When ready, get married. This is the proper way, the pure way, the honorable way that is based on responsibility, dignity and DEEN.
Finally, we need to understand that life is short and we are tested by the choices we make in this life. Ask Allah to guide you into the righteous choices, protect yourself from Haram and invest with Him in good deeds, because Allah shall be with those who are trying their best.
{But [as to] those who strive for Us [alone against every evil,] We shall, most surely, guide them upon Our pathways [to salvation]. For, indeed, God is Most surely, with those who excel in [doing] good} 29:69.
Sh. Kifah Mustapha