Message From the Imam: Caring for the Elderly
Allah (SW) said: {God is the One who has created [all of] you [originally] weak. Then after [your] weakness, He brings about strength [in you]. Then after [your] strength, He brings about weakness [in you] and the gray hair [of old age]. He creates whatever He so wills. And He is the All-Knowing, the Almighty} 30:54.
Elderly Muslims are now becoming more like strangers to their family members who view them more like a burden instead of an honor! Not many people are sitting with them, talking to them and loving to spend time with them! Imagine how stressful it is for them when friends their age are only mentioned when they are admitted to the hospital or the announcement of their death is mentioned after Friday prayer!The Prophet (PBUH) advised us about the honor we receive when we care for the elderly. He said, “Compelled over his nose (humiliated is he), compelled over his nose (humiliated is he), compelled over his nose (humiliated is he)." The companions asked, "Who is it, O messenger of Allah?" He (PBUH) said, " One whose parents (one or both) have reached old age, and he did not enter Heaven!" Hadith narrated by Muslim. In this Hadith, the Prophet (PBUH) is reminding us of the honorable chance we have to enter paradise when we serve and work to meet the needs of elderly parents.
Caring for the elderly could be on many levels. It can be for their physical needs, mental wellness, enriching their social life and uplifting their spiritual relationship with Allah. These are some thoughts for those who are caring for the elderly to keep in mind. Remember that you are doing an honorable act and an act of worship to Allah by serving the elderly:
1. Growing old should be perceived as a good chance for more good deeds for the elderly. With that in mind, the caregiver should be happy for every new day for his parents. The Prophet (PBUH) was asked by a man, "Who is the best person?" He (PBUH) said, “One whom has long life and (acquires) good deeds.” Hadith narrated by Tirmizi.
2. When sickness overcomes the elderly, insha Allah it is a sign of forgiveness of sins and rewards for them, and this should comfort the caregivers because it is a chance to earn good deeds for them too. The Prophet (PBUH) said, “For whomever Allah wants righteousness, He will touch him (in hardships and afflictions.) Hadith narrated by Bukhari.
3. More time for Allah after 4o years old. Remember that each one who lives will become old at some time. Passing forty years should help you refocus on your priorities in life to invest more for the Hereafter. Allah said: {Reaching forty years [of age] - one shall say: My Lord! Dispose me always to give thanks for Your grace, with which You have graced me and my parents, and that I do righteous deeds with which You are pleased. Indeed, I have repented to you and, most surely, I am of those who are Muslims, in willing submission to God [alone]} 45:16.
4. We owe respect to elderly. The Prophet (PBUH) said, “The reverence toward Allah is (through) honoring the Muslim with grey (hair).” Hadith narrated by Abu Daoud. Abu Bakr brought his dad (to offer loyalty) after conquering Makkah. The Prophet (PBUH) said, “If you had kept the elder in his house, we would have come to him.” Hadith narrated by Haithami.
5. We owe the elderly (Ihsan), or goodness through soft words, when talking to them, humility in treatment and making supplications for them. Allah said: {For your Lord has decreed [for one and all]: You shall not worship other than Him. And to [your] parents, [you shall be] good. Should either one of them, or both of them, reach old age in your care, then you shall not say to either of them [even so much as]: Fie! Nor shall you rebuke them. Rather, say to both of them a gracious word, [in loving kindness]. Moreover, lower for them the wing of humility, out of mercy, and say [in supplication for them]: My Lord! Have mercy upon them both- even as they have raised me up as a little one} 17:23.
6. We owe the elderly (Sabr), or patience. When caring for their needs, it is important to practice patience. Remember how they took care of you when you were young and vulnerable. A man carried his mom on his shoulder to make Tawaf and Saie. When he saw Omar Ibn Alkhattab he said," Did I pay her back what I owe her (by doing this)?" Omar said, "Not even for one contraction pain while she was delivering you. You are carrying her now thinking when she will die you will be done, but she carried you for years thinking you will grow and live in front of her eyes!"
7. We owe the elderly good manners. The Prophet (PBUH) said, ”The young greets Salam to the old.” Hadith narrated by Ibn Adii. And when people brought water to serve, the Prophet (PBUH) said, “Start with elderly.” Hadith narrated by Haithami.
I pray to Allah that we will be able to please Allah by serving our parents when they are old. These elderly are the blessing in our homes. Love them, honor them, respect them and ask them to make dua for you.
One final thought, if your parents have passed away, don’t forget that you still owe them dua and giving Sadaqa on their behalf.
My Lord! Have mercy upon them both- even as they have raised me up as a little one.
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